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Underdog Blog

23 thoughts I have when walking two dogs at the same time: A memoir

Sabrina Ortiz

By Katie Walsh

 

After weeks of wheedling, cajoling and coaxing my husband into agreement, I finally did it: I made the leap from dog mom to dog foster mom. Miss Kay, a sleepy/extremely needy beagle mix, came home with us on July 10. The whole experience, which I will write about when it comes to a conclusion (whatever that may be), has been challenging, rewarding and different from anything I could have imagined -- particularly when it comes to going for walks.

Here is a list of 23 thoughts I have when walking my two dogs at the same time:

 

  1. Aaaaand we’re off! Of course, one of you went left out the door and the other went right. Great.

  2. Going in the same direction now, awesome! … but now one of you is peeing while the other is straining at the leash to continue. Argh.

  3. And now the other one is peeing. It’d be nice if you could coordinate your efforts!

  4. Stop tangling me in your leashes, you guys.

  5. If I get one dog’s leash in one hand and the other dog’s leash in the other, it feels a bit like I’m driving a dogsled. Mush, doggies, mush!

  6. No, dog, you can’t eat that chicken bone.

  7. No, other dog, you can’t eat that chicken bone either!

  8. For real though, who is the mystery chicken bone discarder? Or is it that chickens are coming here to spontaneously combust? Are they experiencing the rapture? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CHICKEN BONES ON THE GROUND IN THIS CITY?!

  9. Stop tangling me in your leashes, you guys.

  10. First poop of the walk. Let me pick that up and get to the nearest trashcan...

  11. Man, that was a long time to find a trashcan! So glad to get this poop bag out of my hand.

  12. Other dog is pooping now. Coordination, dogs. Coordination.

  13. “Hahaha, yeah, I know, ‘who’s walking who,’ it’s funny because two dogs are hard to walk. Thanks for pointing it out, guy on my corner! Have you ever tried stand-up comedy?!?”

  14. Stop tangling me in your leashes, you guys.

  15. Controlling two dogs on leashes is really cutting into my side gig as a Pokemon trainer.

  16. Yes, neighborhood children, you can pet them.

  17. NO, NEIGHBORHOOD CHILDREN, DON’T FEED THEM YOUR CHEETOS!!!

  18. I’ve gotten really good at doing high kicks over your leashes to untangle myself. Bolshoi Ballet, here I come!

  19. Except for I just tripped a little. Lord help me when it’s January and icy out and I try this maneuver.

  20. MAKE THE “WHO’S WALKING WHO” JOKE ONE MORE TIME, GUY ON MY CORNER. I DARE YOU.

  21. Ooh ooh ooh, careful of the broken glass! Watch your little paws!

  22. Good lord, MORE broken glass! THIS CITY IS A DOGGIE DEATH TRAP.

  23. Home again, thank God. Here are treats for being such good girls… Aww, thank you for the kisses. You guys are cute. We’ll go walkies again in a few hours.